3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
