You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was so not down for the gang bang
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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