You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
