My pussy is not your playground.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
