theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
