nut hugger
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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