I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
