I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
