standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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