I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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