everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he quoted the bible to break up with me
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
