i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
