Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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