How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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