guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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