yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
