You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
