So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
