Cold hands, warm shart.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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