shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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