Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
