How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
