Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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