hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
