I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
