you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
