She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
