i just wanna soil my oats bro
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
