Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
