Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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