I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
