Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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