i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
