she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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