When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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