I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
