Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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