This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
