guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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