Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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