$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
