if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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