How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
