even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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