please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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