What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
