My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
