From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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