At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
