Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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