She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
