If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
